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Who is a Carer and what does “caring” look like?

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I am no longer surprised when tears come to the eyes of an unpaid “carer” upon recognition of them as such; affirmation of their hardship, exhaustion, constant care and vigilance is not an experience they have shared in before. Caring for a loved one with mental ill health or challenges is diverse and ever changing, situated within a world where recognition is often silenced by the strength of existing stigma. When asking people if they identify as a carer in mental health, a lot of people will say no, equating the recognition of being one as measured by the governmental allocation of supportive payments. I identify as a Carer, Service User and a Mental Health Workforce Member. I have always been as open as I safely can be in relation to those identities. Today I choose to highlight the diversity of people who are largely unpaid, under recognised and often unvalued in their caring roles. #ICanLookLikeACarer is a great initiative by Tandem Carer Support to acknowledge and celebrate the habitually unseen human diversity in mental health caring. My husband and my sons look like carers, just as many other husbands and sons do. Like many of them, I doubt my husband or sons truly see or value themselves as carers. Why would they? Our community has a tradition of not valuing even the most stereotypical “accepted” female carer, let alone seeing, hearing and valuing anyone who does not fit that rigid, outdated typecast. “Caring” for me has looked so different over the years, but upon writing this it is a surprising realisation that out of the 30 years my husband has known me, 22 years of those have been taken up in him playing some type of caring role. I don’t think my boys will ever remember a time prior to my ill mental health.  That’s f…ing huge.  Prior to a late adult diagnosis of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I cycled in and out of depression, post-natal depression and just being born wrong. I can recognise their love and care for me has not always been in a context of needing to be looked after, but they certainly had a wife and mum who knew not than what she now knows; that within my mental health difference there is a powerful opportunity to be seized and celebrated, not pathologized, seen as weak with the need for a quick and covert medication fix to quieten my frenzied brain. There are loads of life lessons from those days; every time I hear the word “parentification” my little heart skips a beat. But I can also say, hand on heart, that their care of and for me and I of them, has enabled us to all seize the under recognised strengths and greatest learnings from our time navigating mental ill health together. They gave me the ultimate gift of safety to learn, experiment and find out who I truly am, with passion, patience and (sometimes) advice I was not wanting to hear. Sometimes I still feel really unwell. At those times a hope for a lighter and happier life for my family propels the contemplation of death. At those times I talk to my husband, he acknowledges my pain and together we agree that this time will pass, with the help of strategies, body identical hormones and medication we have tried, tested, re-tried and retested over the years. We accept that there are bad days and maybe even a bad week. We know other people are without those who care for them and feel grateful to keep living our bent, scarred and beautiful family life together. That is what care looks like for me; for us. Today I recognise and thank them, alongside the multitude of carers who are not traditionally seen, acknowledged or supported as such. I see you and acknowledge all the care you give.

Sporting Peer Program off to a flying start

Blogging, Group Mentoring Program / By

What is it again? The Sporting Peer Program enhances the wellbeing of young sports people by integrating A Path To Follow’s peer program into existing structures within sporting and/or recreational settings. The program aims to: enhance community connection and prevention of mental wellbeing challenges in young people. support the development of important skills in participants required for increased confidence and leadership within their sporting setting and life. Develop and maintain a sustainable coaching model within the associated settings The Sporting Peer Program has been unanimously supported by the committee to run again in 2021. All sporting clubs rely heavily on volunteers to coach and OJFC is no different. This program aims to train, support and retain our young coaches, in line with the club philosophy of welcoming all abilities, genders and cultures and to reduce the reliance on parental volunteering. Our Senior Coaches (Mentors) play an integral role in mentoring our Junior Coaches, to become the best, the fairest and happiest coaches and community members they can be. The Sporting Peer Program will support participants via on the ground support, observational feedback, tip sheets and participation in training. This season we are excited to welcome A Path To Follow’s first employee, Aedan, to the program. Aedan is our Senior Peer Leader at Auskick and will support the Junior Coaches.  Aedan comes well versed in all areas of football at Ormond JFC. His dad was integral in the Auskick Program launching at Ormond, he has played all his junior years there and has now graduated the APTF  Sporting Peer Program to become an Assistant Coach, alongside his long time Mentor, Warren Bailey. 2021 18 Junior Coaches across Auskick to U13s at Ormond Junior Football Club. 10 from previous seasons and 8 new to the program All Junior Coaches have set Coaching Goals and Life Skill goals to attain through out the season.              

Emotional Language Development

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Teaching our kids emotional language is essential. Supporting them in the acceptance and exploration of ALL emotions, inclusive of those feelings that don’t feel great is extremely important to their development; it will provide them with crucial life long mental wellbeing tools. While as parents we are somewhat primed to mend that tantrum or flood of tears with a temporary fix, doing only this enhances the risk that they will not be able to identify, explore and express how they are feeling independently, without us to navigate that world for them. Why? 8 people a day die by suicide in Australia. 6 of those are men; men who are still told it is not manly to talk, it is not masculine to share or seek support for their mental distress. I wonder, out of those 6, how many were taught that it is ok to feel, explore and express their emotions… For those who want a nicer rationale, this image below from Kids Help Line is a great one. Our babies are born with a unique toolkit to communicate their emotions. They cry, they smile, they giggle, they frown. Somehow, as they grow, we (as a community) often fail to help them replace those basic communication methods with a language to match. Our children then become teenagers grappling to manage their emotions, let alone describe them. Our teens don’t become adults and suddenly evolve into a human with a customised boxed set of emotional intelligence skills. We need to teach it. Of course it is easiest to learn and teach as a baby grows, but you are never actually too old to learn this skill. I like to refer to this communication set as Emotional Language, but you could hear it referred to as Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Agility.  I can hear you saying, ok, if this is a learned skill and I don’t have it, how am I supposed to teach my kids?  Great point.  That is why the rest of this post is about sharing some tips and resources I have found useful in guiding our boys to develop their own Emotional Languages and for us, as their parents, to continue to develop ours. What? Start early. When that toddler cries, ask how that feels inside them. Physically, you might help them point to the part of the body where they can identify the upset? You might assist them to identify the source of their emotion and then talk about how it makes them feel.  Help them find the right words, if they cannot. “Oh, so you feel mad that the dog ate the cat’s food and that is why you are frowning? Point to your forehead. “You feel sad now that your brother has gone to school and that is why you are crying?” Point to the tears. Ok. Language part. Tick.  What now?  Well, certainly comfort them or reinforce boundaries with them, but try to make the focus talking with them.  Don’t rush or hush their emotions away. Teach them acceptance of their all their emotions; especially the anger, the fear, the loneliness. Teach them emotions are transient and not to be feared. If there emotions are triggering negative behaviours, apply this learning to the behaviour, not the emotion.  Eg:  “I can see that you are frowning. I can see that you are crying. I can see that your fists are clenched. I can see that you must feel very angry. It is perfectly normal to feel angry. Everyone feels angry sometimes. It is not ok to hurt people when we are angry though. Let’s talk about other ways you might feel better when you feel this again.” Help to brainstorm strategies for emotions that are distressing.  Could a run on the spot help?  What about screaming or punching into a pillow?  What about loud music and our favourite dance? Deep breathing or meditation might bring some calm?  Encourage them to try the strategies. Perhaps even practice with them. So, there you are; Teaching Emotional Language. Simple isn’t it?  Oh, hang on. Then… Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And as you repeat over the years, adapt your emotional language to your child’s age and developmental level. You want this Emotional Language Toolkit to form the basis of all your communications. It doesn’t need to shine bright like a diamond, but it does need to be practiced and nurtured along the years. A child, a teen, an adult who then experiences mental distress and potentially a full and chaotic brain, will be able to reach this language with more ease, communicate it to seek the support they need and require. May it prove to be as positive in your family life, as it has in ours. Resources Other great resources for developing Emotional Language. Kids Help Line Beyond Blue Tuning Into Kids  -my favourite emotion research and practical strategies go to.  Great parent groups that are run by Tuning Into Kids, but also many other organisations now. Tuning in to Kids and the value of emotionally connecting with children

Alternative education with a well-being focus- A chat with Stella

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Differences between mainstream and alternative education; a well-being focus. This is an edited transcript of an interview our Social Media Volunteer, Kyle, completed with his school Well-Being Leader, Stella. Kyle attends Hestor Hornbrook, an education setting that achieves a positive balance between a student’s educational and mental well-being needs. Stella and Kyle chat about the differences between mainstream and alternative education settings and Stella’s role as Mental Well-being Team Leader. Big thanks to both Stella and Kyle for sharing this with us. Who are you and what is your role at Hester Hornbook? Rebecca Stella is the Well-Being Team Leader at Hester Hornbrook Academy. The Hester Hornbrook classroom is that of 1 Educator and 1 Youth Worker to approximately 12 students. Stella’s role is to coordinate the Classroom Youth Workers and oversee that student well-being needs are being supported. Stella provides supervisory support to the Youth Workers about well-being issues and certain crisis intervention strategies. In addition, Stella ensures she forms personalised relationships with students and is available to talk and provide support directly. Why did you choose to move into the Mental Health field of work? Stella started her career at the City of Port Phillip however she quickly saw this line of work wasn’t for her. She has experience working with young people with disabilities through the Joint Councils Access for All Abilities (JCAAA) program. There Stella found her passion for working with young people. Stella grew up with 8 siblings so working with young people seemed to come naturally to her. Soon after her work with JCAAA Stella completed her Youth Work Degree and decided this was the field she wanted to continue in. With her degree under her belt she linked in with St.Kilda Youth Services; an organisation who offers education for high risk young people. Through her work at St.Kilda Youth Services Stella’s passion for working with young people further increased. She saw first hand how young peoples’ experiences of mental health problems was impacting their educational options. Supporting students to manage mental health challenges first, helped them with school engagement, continuing their education and achieving their education goals. Stella found, and continues to find, great satisfaction in working with kids. She enjoys helping them realise their potential and watching them develop in their journey. Stella especially loves seeing the students with mental health obstacles find themselves.   Rebecca Stella-Well-being Coordinator at Hestor Hornbrook Academy What is alternative education in comparison to ‘mainstream education’ and what are the benefits? The main difference between Hester Hornbrook and mainstream education is the unique balance and prioritisation of supporting both student well-being and education. When getting to know young people who want to be a part of Hestor Hornbrook it is not simply about academic achievements and goals, it is about all aspects of a young person’s life. Hester Hornbrook looks to push young people to strive for their greatest educational potential, whilst also acknowledging a lot of young people have massive barriers to actually accessing that education. These barriers often lie within mental health, disability and/or other external challenges in a young person’s life, such as drug and alcohol challenges and trauma. Stella also reports Hester Hornbrook works really hard to build relationships with students on a more personal level; understanding problems that occur outside of academia. In the future do you see alternative education becoming the normality? Yes, more and more so. Because of recent events with COVID-19 community are beginning to understand that education can’t be delivered simply as a one dimensional program. Delivering only the academic side of the curriculum, as remote learning has done, has proved to have some negative effects on young people’s mental health. It has truly shown that well-being is an integral part of education and the development of young people. Alternative education often allows young people to open up more about their obstacles because of the personal relationship students share with educators. By making alternative education more accessible and known, it will allow more young people who may be suffering with mental health challenges to speak out and open up to their educators. What do you say to those people who say that alternative education doesn’t provide as thorough a curriculum as mainstream schools? Hester Hornbrook truly does attempt to provide the best possible education, starting with the great and professional educators who often have worked in a mainstream setting before and who have a great deal of experience.  Combining that experience with the well-being focus of Hestor helps young people who had not been engaging in mainstream education to still gain a high quality education. Hestor Hornbrook is able to provide education specific to a student’s needs, based on the level they are at. This structure is accompanied by a flexible mode of study that allows them to move at a pace they are comfortable with; something mainstream education struggles to provide in keeping a steady pace for the general population. What resources do alternative education providers provide that mainstream education providers don’t give? Post care is probably the greatest asset Hester Hornbrook provides in terms of additional resources. Hester Hornbrook has a 12 month period after a young person graduates where an Alumni worker supports that young person in all their well-being needs.  During that time there is also a Careers worker who consistently supports the young people to find a path beyond Hester Hornbrook. Generally students who are preparing to leave are identified about 6 months ahead of time. In that period the school works extremely hard in supporting the young person to achieve the goals they have set. This can include other pathways in the Hestor program and opportunities for scholarships that can help in overcoming barriers. What is the most challenging part of your role at the school? The dynamics of classrooms can be quite challenging. Having a group of people, who outside the classroom would have potentially never met, all together in one place and ensuring everyone’s safety and comfort, takes good

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