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Emotional Language Development

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Teaching our kids emotional language is essential. Supporting them in the acceptance and exploration of ALL emotions, inclusive of those feelings that don’t feel great is extremely important to their development; it will provide them with crucial life long mental wellbeing tools. While as parents we are somewhat primed to mend that tantrum or flood of tears with a temporary fix, doing only this enhances the risk that they will not be able to identify, explore and express how they are feeling independently, without us to navigate that world for them. Why? 8 people a day die by suicide in Australia. 6 of those are men; men who are still told it is not manly to talk, it is not masculine to share or seek support for their mental distress. I wonder, out of those 6, how many were taught that it is ok to feel, explore and express their emotions… For those who want a nicer rationale, this image below from Kids Help Line is a great one. Our babies are born with a unique toolkit to communicate their emotions. They cry, they smile, they giggle, they frown. Somehow, as they grow, we (as a community) often fail to help them replace those basic communication methods with a language to match. Our children then become teenagers grappling to manage their emotions, let alone describe them. Our teens don’t become adults and suddenly evolve into a human with a customised boxed set of emotional intelligence skills. We need to teach it. Of course it is easiest to learn and teach as a baby grows, but you are never actually too old to learn this skill. I like to refer to this communication set as Emotional Language, but you could hear it referred to as Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Agility.  I can hear you saying, ok, if this is a learned skill and I don’t have it, how am I supposed to teach my kids?  Great point.  That is why the rest of this post is about sharing some tips and resources I have found useful in guiding our boys to develop their own Emotional Languages and for us, as their parents, to continue to develop ours. What? Start early. When that toddler cries, ask how that feels inside them. Physically, you might help them point to the part of the body where they can identify the upset? You might assist them to identify the source of their emotion and then talk about how it makes them feel.  Help them find the right words, if they cannot. “Oh, so you feel mad that the dog ate the cat’s food and that is why you are frowning? Point to your forehead. “You feel sad now that your brother has gone to school and that is why you are crying?” Point to the tears. Ok. Language part. Tick.  What now?  Well, certainly comfort them or reinforce boundaries with them, but try to make the focus talking with them.  Don’t rush or hush their emotions away. Teach them acceptance of their all their emotions; especially the anger, the fear, the loneliness. Teach them emotions are transient and not to be feared. If there emotions are triggering negative behaviours, apply this learning to the behaviour, not the emotion.  Eg:  “I can see that you are frowning. I can see that you are crying. I can see that your fists are clenched. I can see that you must feel very angry. It is perfectly normal to feel angry. Everyone feels angry sometimes. It is not ok to hurt people when we are angry though. Let’s talk about other ways you might feel better when you feel this again.” Help to brainstorm strategies for emotions that are distressing.  Could a run on the spot help?  What about screaming or punching into a pillow?  What about loud music and our favourite dance? Deep breathing or meditation might bring some calm?  Encourage them to try the strategies. Perhaps even practice with them. So, there you are; Teaching Emotional Language. Simple isn’t it?  Oh, hang on. Then… Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And as you repeat over the years, adapt your emotional language to your child’s age and developmental level. You want this Emotional Language Toolkit to form the basis of all your communications. It doesn’t need to shine bright like a diamond, but it does need to be practiced and nurtured along the years. A child, a teen, an adult who then experiences mental distress and potentially a full and chaotic brain, will be able to reach this language with more ease, communicate it to seek the support they need and require. May it prove to be as positive in your family life, as it has in ours. Resources Other great resources for developing Emotional Language. Kids Help Line Beyond Blue Tuning Into Kids  -my favourite emotion research and practical strategies go to.  Great parent groups that are run by Tuning Into Kids, but also many other organisations now. Tuning in to Kids and the value of emotionally connecting with children

Alternative education with a well-being focus- A chat with Stella

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Differences between mainstream and alternative education; a well-being focus. This is an edited transcript of an interview our Social Media Volunteer, Kyle, completed with his school Well-Being Leader, Stella. Kyle attends Hestor Hornbrook, an education setting that achieves a positive balance between a student’s educational and mental well-being needs. Stella and Kyle chat about the differences between mainstream and alternative education settings and Stella’s role as Mental Well-being Team Leader. Big thanks to both Stella and Kyle for sharing this with us. Who are you and what is your role at Hester Hornbook? Rebecca Stella is the Well-Being Team Leader at Hester Hornbrook Academy. The Hester Hornbrook classroom is that of 1 Educator and 1 Youth Worker to approximately 12 students. Stella’s role is to coordinate the Classroom Youth Workers and oversee that student well-being needs are being supported. Stella provides supervisory support to the Youth Workers about well-being issues and certain crisis intervention strategies. In addition, Stella ensures she forms personalised relationships with students and is available to talk and provide support directly. Why did you choose to move into the Mental Health field of work? Stella started her career at the City of Port Phillip however she quickly saw this line of work wasn’t for her. She has experience working with young people with disabilities through the Joint Councils Access for All Abilities (JCAAA) program. There Stella found her passion for working with young people. Stella grew up with 8 siblings so working with young people seemed to come naturally to her. Soon after her work with JCAAA Stella completed her Youth Work Degree and decided this was the field she wanted to continue in. With her degree under her belt she linked in with St.Kilda Youth Services; an organisation who offers education for high risk young people. Through her work at St.Kilda Youth Services Stella’s passion for working with young people further increased. She saw first hand how young peoples’ experiences of mental health problems was impacting their educational options. Supporting students to manage mental health challenges first, helped them with school engagement, continuing their education and achieving their education goals. Stella found, and continues to find, great satisfaction in working with kids. She enjoys helping them realise their potential and watching them develop in their journey. Stella especially loves seeing the students with mental health obstacles find themselves.   Rebecca Stella-Well-being Coordinator at Hestor Hornbrook Academy What is alternative education in comparison to ‘mainstream education’ and what are the benefits? The main difference between Hester Hornbrook and mainstream education is the unique balance and prioritisation of supporting both student well-being and education. When getting to know young people who want to be a part of Hestor Hornbrook it is not simply about academic achievements and goals, it is about all aspects of a young person’s life. Hester Hornbrook looks to push young people to strive for their greatest educational potential, whilst also acknowledging a lot of young people have massive barriers to actually accessing that education. These barriers often lie within mental health, disability and/or other external challenges in a young person’s life, such as drug and alcohol challenges and trauma. Stella also reports Hester Hornbrook works really hard to build relationships with students on a more personal level; understanding problems that occur outside of academia. In the future do you see alternative education becoming the normality? Yes, more and more so. Because of recent events with COVID-19 community are beginning to understand that education can’t be delivered simply as a one dimensional program. Delivering only the academic side of the curriculum, as remote learning has done, has proved to have some negative effects on young people’s mental health. It has truly shown that well-being is an integral part of education and the development of young people. Alternative education often allows young people to open up more about their obstacles because of the personal relationship students share with educators. By making alternative education more accessible and known, it will allow more young people who may be suffering with mental health challenges to speak out and open up to their educators. What do you say to those people who say that alternative education doesn’t provide as thorough a curriculum as mainstream schools? Hester Hornbrook truly does attempt to provide the best possible education, starting with the great and professional educators who often have worked in a mainstream setting before and who have a great deal of experience.  Combining that experience with the well-being focus of Hestor helps young people who had not been engaging in mainstream education to still gain a high quality education. Hestor Hornbrook is able to provide education specific to a student’s needs, based on the level they are at. This structure is accompanied by a flexible mode of study that allows them to move at a pace they are comfortable with; something mainstream education struggles to provide in keeping a steady pace for the general population. What resources do alternative education providers provide that mainstream education providers don’t give? Post care is probably the greatest asset Hester Hornbrook provides in terms of additional resources. Hester Hornbrook has a 12 month period after a young person graduates where an Alumni worker supports that young person in all their well-being needs.  During that time there is also a Careers worker who consistently supports the young people to find a path beyond Hester Hornbrook. Generally students who are preparing to leave are identified about 6 months ahead of time. In that period the school works extremely hard in supporting the young person to achieve the goals they have set. This can include other pathways in the Hestor program and opportunities for scholarships that can help in overcoming barriers. What is the most challenging part of your role at the school? The dynamics of classrooms can be quite challenging. Having a group of people, who outside the classroom would have potentially never met, all together in one place and ensuring everyone’s safety and comfort, takes good

Mental Health System Experiences

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I Survived I am not ashamed. I will not sit quietly any longer. I am not ashamed to tell you my story. To tell you of my hospitalisation, where I experienced the very best and very worst of our mental health system, A system plagued with misunderstood children trying to be heard, A system full of passionate nurses working to help these children, A system that has failed so many in the worst way, A system that denies care to some of those who need it most, A system full of doctors who might tell me that my urge to kill myself and the voices in my head are just a product of my drug use and my friends that I “have to pull my socks up” and “just be positive” And that night I lost my faith, I said “I’m no longer believing in a system that tell me that my problems are just fake”. Kyle’s Journey-Part 1 My first brush with Emergency Mental Health That night I was brushed off and told to go home; “sleep it off”. Turned away by the system that is supposed to be there for those in need. Scared, suicidal and exhausted I left the hospital that first night with my mum feeling as though nobody even wanted to understand what was going on in my head. I left the hospital in the most chaotically peaceful state that one could find themselves in. Chaotic in the way that I was scared, sad. I felt betrayed by a system I always knew was not perfect but felt at least could do its job. The peace I found when I left the hospital was not that of serenity and calm, but rather a peacefulness within my brain that I had given up on myself, on my life. I no longer had anything to worry about because soon I would take my own life and this would all be over. My Family; My Life Line The coming days was a series of naps mixed with tantrums, panic attacks and whatever self-harm I could bring to myself without being caught by the watchful and caring eyes of my parents. I was compelled by the voices in my head to take my own life, that by me being gone, so would all the pain and destruction I bring to myself and those around me. That wasn’t my family’s plan though; they pushed me; they saved my life. The compassion and love I received from each of my immediate family members gave me some strength to continue on through my life, which at this point seemed to be a never-ending maze of sadness and sorrow. It wasn’t all up from there though; my time in the system had only just begun… I spent about a week at home before my first home visit from an outreach Psychiatric team (CATT). After a half hour talk with the two incredibly good men working for the outreach program it was decided that I should be taken back into hospital for further assessment and treatment. At this stage they thought I was experiencing early onset psychosis. A somewhat broken system with shining lights I was taken back to the same hospital I had been sent away from just the week before, although this time I was treated far better because of the call ahead by the outreach team. I spent one long night in the emergency room getting bits and pieces of sleep, an incredibly sarcastic smile and “back again?” from the mental health clinician who had turned me away last time. I was made to feel like a burden, like the bed I was taking was unjustified and could be better used somewhere else. And do I agree the bed that night could have been used better for someone else with a physical health problem? Yes, in an ideal world, a supportive and professional mental health system could stand alone and could have prevented my first and second presentation to emergency. We already tried the other options we had; private, public… Too risky, not risky enough… In an ideal world there would also be an emergency room just for mental health issues; in turn allowing the specialists from each hospital to focus on their actual specialist area, creating more opportunity for doctors to genuinely be able to treat an illness and traumatic incidents. Experiences, such as mine, might decrease exponentially. Austin Awesome The next morning I was transported to The Austin’s Children’s Psychiatric Ward where I would spend the next 4 days. As I arrived in the psych ward any cord in my jumpers and pants had to be removed, as well as all my shoelaces. My bag was searched and my Phone was taken. I remember looking at my parents. The look of distress on their faces, especially mum’s, made the situation even scarier. I spent my first night literally trapped inside a panic attack; crying and just wanting to be at home. Despite my troublesome first night and an urgent, pleading phone call to my parents to bring me home, my experience at The Austin, for the most part, was extremely positive. They boasted modern facilities, including a bedroom for each child, a small school and a decent sized outdoor area with tennis courts. There was a great games room with a pool table, massage chairs and gym equipment. As well as these facilities the case workers, nurses and doctors were incredibly good and clearly trained and experienced at dealing with and helping teens with mental health issues. The Austin provided me with an amazing team that, in my short time there, truly helped me and gave me some good strategies for dealing with my mental ill health. Unfortunately, these gems are very rare and can only benefit very few children, for too short a time. After 4 days at the Austin I felt as though I had started my journey to recovery and was looking forward to what

Brain takes a break. Body keeps score.

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The journey behind Mental Health Challenges: Brain takes a break, but the body always keeps score. I feel it would be highly hypocritical of me, given this is a Lived Experience Service, to only share my tools and strategies of past wounds from which I have healed. I feel it would also be highly hypocritical of me given my assertive community voice in decreasing mental health stigma and helping people to heal through sharing their very real and common experiences, to now hide behind mine.  The real story behind mental health challenges is not always pretty, is often raw and yes, it can be frightening. What it is often not (despite media representation), is violent or threatening, contagious or life changing for a bystander. What it is, is a strikingly common, lonely existence often hidden behind the closed doors of those you know. Not for me, not for my family and not for my community; not anymore. Mental Health Challenges: Then I remember parts of my first experience of *dissociation; some memories, but mostly feelings. Ben, a toddler, and Kyle, a few months old. I remember my sister-in-law dropping me flowers. I remember looking at my feet as breast milk splashed on the flower. I remember smiling and saying goodbye. I remember being on the bed, phone to ear trying to answer Anthony’s questions. Where are the boys?  I don’t know. Did you put them to sleep?  I don’t know. Tiredness. So tired, too tired, too scared to check on the boys. I could not have done something, could I? I could not check. I needed to sleep. The quiet, warm fog weirdly comforting. Of course, they were ok and of course I did not hurt them. I had put them down for naps and there they remained, I think, until Anthony got home. That dissociation, like this time, only lasted a short time. The subsequent fog, the disconnection from life and fatigue lasted well over six months. This was my first introduction to serious mental health challenges. Mental Health Challenges: Now… In the blink of an eye, all sense of time, place and self, gone… I may have even gone to IGA in my dressing gown. Yep, my very own customised dissociation. Some part of me knew I needed help. But *Self and the spoken word had suddenly evaded me; they were simply buried so deep I had no immediate access. There were no words for my boys; that it was happening again. No, not again. I text my mate, he respected my request to not call. I texted my Psychologist. She called. “Right. Back against something hard. Feet planted. Got it?” Unusually assertive, she went on, “who am I talking to?” I didn’t know, I only knew for certain it wasn’t Self.  I can’t clearly remember the rest of the conversation, common with a period of dissociation, but she reached Self enough to convince her/me that hospital was not the answer. Most parts of me, from my lived and professional experiences, actually already knew that. But there was a part of me that just wanted to sleep, didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to think and really didn’t care. An appointment was made for the next day and I went to bed. No one noticed Self wasn’t with me; I’ve gotten good at that. Holding onto Self I awoke the next morning like someone had siphoned every sniff of petrol from my tank. My mind was a fog, my body leaden and my voice unable to verbalise. Self was back, but she was totally and utterly exhausted. Son to school? Couldn’t drive. Shower? Couldn’t move. Eat? Desperately hungry but didn’t want food. Strangely I was not overly panicked by the experience, as I had previously envisaged I would be when I thought about it happening again. Apparently, my body had kept score. Like having a baby, my body had recorded that it had been here before. Like last time, my body had decided to put a stop to what my heart and mind could not; emotional and physical over-commitment. It became clear pretty quickly that I needed to re-prioritise my commitments and that doing it now, while my body (not my heart and mind) was in control, was the only way to do it. Fortunately, any negotiations with my heart and mind would be rendered useless by my body’s utter lack of functioning: movement (slow and limited), voice (by written word only), mind (one thought at a time, on only one subject at a time).  In a somewhat detached fashion I communicated my reduced capacities to my two volunteer organisations (knowing that once my heart and mind revived, I would grieve this and a part of me would take over and keep me doing what had brought me to this current state). My first experience of dissociation evoked a consistent experience of feeling present but not here. Of watching our two little (now big) boys and their dad living life. I was watching on, trapped within my silent and invisible bubble, disallowing me from entering their world. This time is eerily similar, but nowhere near as extreme. I am currently only becoming distressed when a part of me feels frustrated, sad or angry at my total lack of energy to engage. I am still in their world and I can still feel (but not yet reach) that passion and determination to continue toward their world. Moving Forward While my external voice and movement is slow, to the point where getting up and down is physically exhaustive, my internal voice and brain appear to be functioning as per normal. I think… Yep, there is the old doubt that creeps in and out still, as there is the sudden and crippling bouts of social anxiety when thinking about seeing anyone outside of my family, but those moments will pass. I know that now. My body has been keeping score and even though my tools are not yet working, I

All about Perspective

Lived Experience in Mental Health

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Professional/Lived Experience. Who decides? Who sets the arbitrary line to determine if or when I share my lived experience with my clients? Who decides if I use my lived experience in a way that is safe, for the benefit of our community and in line with best practice? Great question. The answer?  You. And you know what? A person’s rapport with a service greatly influences the effectiveness of it.  Of course it should always be you. APTF provides a customised balance of professional and lived experience in mental health to support clients walking their mental well-being journeys. We recognise the need for consumers to feel supported by a team who can connect and journey beside you; personally and professionally. My Experiences. Don’t box me in. There is a growing body of evidence and overwhelming community and professional support for incorporating lived experience in our professional mental health services. That is how we already practice at APTF. I am more than one experience and one perspective. Don’t box me in. I am a Consumer. I am Carer and I am Professional. During physical isolation I participated in Tandem and Victorian Mental Illness Awareness Council (VMIAC)’s Royal Commission into Mental Health feedback sessions. Tandem represents carers of those living with mental health challenges. VMIAC represents consumers of mental health services.  I was also invited to bring “my perspective” to an Insta Live this week with the Discovery College. As a result of my participation and my Discovery Convo gig I got thinking more about my lived and professional experiences. How they serve my life long passion of supporting others in their mental well-being journeys. Consumer. Carer. Professional.  Three aspects of my life not looking to alter in the short term. Three aspects of my life I am proud to identify with. Three aspects of my life I know assists other people in their journeys as consumers, carers and professionals. Professional Limits A set of often arbitrary and ambiguous codes, discouraging the sharing of lived experience, were pervasive in my time working within the family and health services field. With time, I shared a limited version of my lived experience. The professional scene demanded a somewhat sanitised version, however. A stark difference to how these experiences played out in actuality. I felt disappointed and alarmed at not being able to share experiences that could help those who shared their vulnerabilities with me. Thanks to VMIAC, Tandem, Discovery College, other like organisations and passionate individuals, we are now looking at a new world. A new future where lived experience may take its rightful place in the mental health service system. A Path To Follow is already here; in the future. Our entire service is based on a customised balance of professional and lived experience in life’s challenges. We recognise there is a need and a place for all experiences to best support our community in their mental well-being journeys. The Right Balance But surely not everyone with lived experience is a good fit to provide such support I hear you ask? I agree and disagree. Fence sitter, I hear you say.  Yep, I agree with that. With appropriate desire, training, guidance and ongoing support, those with lived experience can support others in their journeys. Without those criteria fulfilled however, there are risks abound, for all parties. That is why at APTF, we provide the right balance of experience and customise a service that best suits the needs of our clients. Our Youth Mentors are not professionals, but they sure as heck have lived experience. They certainly tick off on the passion and desire. They are trained, guided and supported at all times, from both my professional and lived experiences. I understand risk. I am fully trained and experienced in assessing, working with and intervening in it. We practise with the best interests of clients at front of mind. We use a “do no harm” approach and constantly assess and monitor risk. Where our lived experience can be shared within the do no harm approach and in the best interests of our clients, then we will share. The Future I hope we are about to enter a new world where ALL professionals in the field are able share their multi faceted experiences. Where our clinicians can take the lead of Georgie Harman, Beyond Blue CEO, who speaks with honesty of her lived experience with alcohol and depression. Hearing the perspectives of fellow consumers and carers in recent times has only consolidated our approach at APTF as the right one for us. The feedback paints a service system where consumers and carers often feel disconnected from the clinicians caring for them. Very much a scene of “them” and “us”. We need to develop a “we” team.  All members on the same page, managing the same challenges, for a common purpose. A person’s recovery needs to take place with their chosen professionals, inclusive of that person’s family and community supports. A service that pays respect to and mindfully utilises lived and professional experience can attain all of that and more. I am very excited about that! I am also very excited we are already working within a model, providing services that our community is very loudly saying is needed. Professional and Lived experience; walking beside you. If you want more information about our services or are in a position to financially support our service, please contact Kirstie.

Let’s just blame Social Media, shall we?

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This is a question that has puzzled so many over the past decade and lead to some very heated debates. A recent study has brought to light some statistics that can help us answer this question a little better. The study shows that in fact social media can have a negative effect on mental health, however if you dive a little beneath the numbers you will find that the way that social media is used and how often it is used is actually what we need to think about when looking at the correlation between social media and mental health. Things such as cyber bullying, lack of sleep and reduced physical activity are the harmful factors that come from the misuse and overuse of social media that can lead to mental health complications. However despite this I can say that social media is a great tool for connectivity and an amazing innovation if used safely. My hot tip is to not quit social media but rather simply not allow it to get in the way of important things in your life such as sleep, exercise and the things that make you happy. Social media should not be a dominating factor in your life. By all means use it to catch up with friends and share what you’re doing with your life; just don’t let showing everyone how cool what you’re doing ruin just how cool it actually is. To read more on this topic see here and here: Kyle (our newest volunteer)

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